Memorial Day

We spent most of our Memorial Day weekend shopping for a washer, dryer and refrigerator. I must say that I am very pleased because we were able to get some sweet deals (even after the initial purchase) using tips from Dave Ramsey. Thanks, Dave! We also trimmed some trees in our front yard, which made a big difference. Our yard is the eyesore of the street, so we have been weeding and pulling out plants whenever we get the chance. Little-by-little, we are taming the jungle. My dad always tells me, "Adrienne, just take it one day at a time. You can't do it all at once and there will always be something to do." Well, the yard has been one thing that I've actually been listening to him on and doing what I can when I can. At first, the yard seemed so overwhelming. But I am amazed at the difference a few hours here and there have made.

Speaking of the house, we are moving in on Sunday! I can hardly believe it. Right now, there are people at the house finishing tile and painting. I am so, so grateful for the men who've been working on our home. The difference is incredible.

At 32 weeks pregnant, I am very ready to get settled. We thought we were going to have our furniture delivered this next week, but as it turns out, we have to wait two more weeks. At first, I was pretty upset. I found myself asking the Lord, "Why does everything with us always have to be so difficult?" I tried very hard to find the positives of sleeping on an air mattress up until my 35th week of pregnancy and having only 4-6 weeks to unpack boxes. I plan to use the time to clean bathrooms, dust ceiling fans, polish woodwork, work in the yard, freeze meals for when our baby girl arrives, and spend lots of time playing with my Jackson. I miss the days of staying at home with him all day long and never going anywhere. Right now, I get one of those days every 2-3 weeks. We had one of those days today and it was such a joy to read books with him in between packing boxes. He's such a great helper. He loved opening and closing the boxes "all by myself!" And he did a great job.

(For the record, Jackson recently showed an interest in books. Jason has always prayed that our children will enjoy reading. For the longest time, Jackson could have cared less. He would look at picture books and any book that had cars, trucks or trains in it, but he didn't like being read to. I thought that perhaps I had failed some where along the way. I didn't push him because I firmly believe in following his interests in learning new things. Well, about 2-3 weeks ago, he was ready for reading and it's been a joy ever since. And he actually reads to us as well!)

Well, back to Memorial Day weekend. Our friends, the Babbs, who we love and adore, invited us over to the their home for swimming and grilling. (The Babbs were our Sunday School teachers when we lived here before and Laura attended Jackson's birth.) Jackson loves the pool and couldn't wait to get over there. I was also excited to get in the water and to spend time with friends...something we rarely get to do. The Wednesday before Memorial Day, Jackson and I played at the pool one evening while Jason was in Alabama. He jumped to me at least 50 times. I was excited to see him jumping off of the ground with both feet in the air...something he hadn't really mastered. We had such a great time and I couldn't wait for Jason to watch him while we were at the Babbs.

Jackson jumped tons of time and then decided to jump from the diving board like the big boys were doing (Jason catching him, of course, because he can't swim yet). Here are some photos I took of him jumping. I think they are precious.

I was very impressed that Jason never let his head go below water. Not because Jackson shouldn't go under the water, but because I think it would be very difficult to catch about 30 pounds while treading water and then not let the 30 pounds go under. Babe, you're the man!

After swimming, Jackson played on their playground...another huge treat for him.

Jackson loves the Babb kids. He kept hugging Abigail, who is 5 (I think). He thought Sam and John and Benjamin were really cool. He even told them how old he was. He will NEVER tell anyone his name or how old he is. I do not know why, but he just won't. When they asked him, he told each one of them, "Two and a half." The Babbs also have two new Havanese. They are precious and they ran around the yard all evening. Jackson loved them and kept yelling after them, "Dogs! Come here dogs!" I am not a pet person...in the sense that I don't like them in "my" house...but I think I could handle one of these. They're great!

Hopefully, things will settle down in a few weeks and I'll be back to blogging more regularly. I sure do miss it and my sweet little one does things every day that I want to blog about. I can't believe that he is 2 1/2 today. He is one amazing little boy and we absolutely adore him.

30 Weeks!

I seriously cannot believe that I am 30 weeks pregnant. The time has flown by. At 28 weeks, I was looking up something in the pregnancy journal I kept while pregnant with Jackson. It was then that I realized that I am now in my third trimester!

Things with this pregnancy have been great...and so similar to my pregnancy with Jackson. I weigh exactly what I weighed at this stage with Jackson, and I started at the same weight so my weight gain has been the same. I have to confess, I was hoping to gain a little less this time; however, I know that weight isn't something I need to worry about. Healthy weight gain is good and my midwives are very pleased with my weight gain. Getting big is just never comfortable!

My fundal height is always exactly what it should be. I'm 30 cm at 30 weeks. This was also the case with Jackson. Baby girl's head is down and has been for a few weeks. I can feel it with my fingers, which is so cool. At my appointment yesterday, my midwife could feel that her head is down, her back is on my right side, and her bottom is in the top right corner of my uterus. This is exactly how Jackson laid when I was pregnant with him. I must make things comfy in that position.

My placenta is anterior and more towards the top of my uterus. It's like a little pillow between me and the baby, which makes feeling her movements a little different than with Jackson...when my placenta was posterior. I mostly feel her low, but I'm starting to feel her high on the sides of my uterus. I love it when my entire belly shakes and when I can feel her foot in my left side. It is so amazing to me.

At 28 weeks, I had my blood tested. I got my results back at yesterday's appointment and all of my levels were great. I was so thankful because my iron had been low at my 13 week blood test. (I've always been borderline anemic and my body took a while to catch up with all of the blood volume increase.) We've been working on bringing up my iron ever since because it is so important for proper oxygenation when the baby is born. I was very relieved to know that I was in my midwives' happy zone.

We are thrilled for this sweet girl to arrive; although, I tell her that she can stay in as long as she likes. I'm not even in my house yet and I would love to have plenty of time to get settled and then enjoy sitting around and playing with Jackson and Jason for a couple of days...or weeks, preferably! Plus, I need time to find a name. We have no idea what we are going to name her. Feel free to post suggestions! And I have not one article of clothing for her to wear. In fact, I haven't bought one thing except her bedding. And I promise that I only have that because I had to pick out paint for her bedroom walls!

I recently took the lilypie baby ticker off and replaced it with the babystrology one. I like that I can see a photo of the baby. Jackson saw it today and asked me who it was. I told him that it was a picture of what his baby sister looks like floating in my bag of water. He looked at it and said, "I don't want her to be naked." I laughed! I assured him that we would put clothes on her once she came out. I'm so thrilled to share the experience with him. I'm so happy to be at home when I have her. We plan to have him in the room with us. I think it will be an amazing experience for our entire family.

The Blessing of Being a Mom

Happy Mother's Day to our two wonderful moms! We hope you have a fantastic day. We wish that we could be there celebrate with you both. I think 2001 was the last Mother's Day that we actually spent together. How sad! Thank you both for raising four children of your own and giving up what many esteem as successful or prestigious for the hardest yet most glorious job in the world. We didn't understand the sacrifices you were making when we were children, but we certainly do now...at least up through the toddler years :) We love you both!

We also want to say Happy Mother's Day to my oldest sister Melissa, who is raising three energetic little boys, and to Meredith, who is celebrating her very 1st Mother's Day.

Melissa (or Aunt Lissa as Jackson likes to call you), you are an amazing mother! Your household is one well-run ship. Your organization and ability to keep everything going never cease to impress and amaze us. We hope you have a wonderful day with those precious gentlemen.

Meredith, Happy 1st Mother's Day! Your sweet baby cakes is only three weeks old, but there is no doubt that you already understand the joy and sacrifice of being a mommy. After one second of life outside the womb, I know your heart was captured and you felt a love you never knew possible. You are a fantastic mommy...just as you are a fantastic wife. We are so sorry that Ryan has to work today. We hope you enjoy the time you have with Madalyn. Treasure every second because they pass by so quickly. As crazy as this sounds, you'll even miss those sleepless nights with your newborn. We love you and hope you have a great day as a new mommy!

Also, Happy Mother's Day to all of my wonderful friends! I hope you all have a wonderful day!

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And now, to the one who calls me Mama, my baby doll Jackson:

Sweet Jackson, there is no greater privilege or honor than being mom to you and wife to Daddy. Since the day I knew you were inside my womb, I have loved you with an indescribable love and my days have been filled with joy. Today is the day when we celebrate mothers. I celebrate my mom, Daddy celebrates his mom, and you celebrate me. I am not one to enjoy being celebrated over. As I thought about today...amidst all of the busyness in our life right now...I could not stop thinking about you (and your unborn baby sister). So, I am celebrating you today because you are the reason I am called Mama.

Your life ushered in a whole new world for me. It is harder than I ever imagined but far more rewarding and joyful than I ever dreamed. I would not trade being your mom for anything in the world! I love every minute of it...even when I'm losing sleep or losing patience. I can't imagine not being with you every single day. I can't imagine someone else receiving the privilege of watching you grow and change. You amaze me literally every day.

In celebration of you, my firstborn, I want to talk about you! I want to document some of the things that you've been doing lately since current life circumstances have prevented me from journaling things the way I had hoped to. These will be recollections of the past few months...written as they come to my mind. I love you and I hope that one day you enjoy reading about how remarkable you were at two years old!

You are my tenderhearted, snuggly, wuggly bear. You love to cuddle and snuggle. You love to be held. Whenever you are tired, you love being with mommy. If we are out running errands and you get sleepy, you love for me to sit and hold you like a baby. If we are in the car, you want to touch my hand (or my sleeve if it is long).

You call yourself my baby doll Jackson. Whenever we came back from our Christmas visit, you called yourself my baby doll. I had never used that expression before. I think it came from your grandmas. It stuck with you because ever since, you have called yourself my baby doll Jackson. If I say to you, "Are you my baby?" You reply, "No, I'm your baby doll Jackson!" It is the most precious thing ever!

I love to call you my sweet Jackson. A couple of weeks ago, you were holding my hand in the car (while I was driving with the other). You were stroking my hand when I heard you say, "Sweet Mama. Sweet Mama." My heart melted. I said, "Sweet Mama?! You are my sweet Jackson." Now you say sweet Mama, sweet Dada, sweet Jackson, and sweet baby sister. It's unsolicited and totally random, which makes it so special.

You like to use adverbs when you talk. You say probably, actually, unfortunately, and absolutely. Most of the time, you use them correctly, which utterly amazes me. The first time you used probably, you said to me, "I'm probably going to go down that slide." Back in February, we were at a baby store and you had brought your lawnmower inside. You were pushing it around the store when a saleswoman asked, "Are you mowing the grass?" You looked at her and said, "Actually, I'm mowing the carpet." When we were in Utah, you started using unfortunately. We were waiting on a salad at Jason's deli and you were drinking carrot juice from Jamba Juice. I told you that you might want to sit down while you drank your juice so that you didn't accidentally spill it. You looked up at me and said, "Unfortunately, Mama, I don't want to sit down." Just the other day, I asked you to get something off of the floor for me and you said, "Absolutely!" Everytime you use these words, it makes me smile inside. You are too funny!

The first night we arrived in Colorado Springs, Daddy and I were busy catching up with Mr. Steve. You really wanted us to talk to you, but we weren't paying attention. Daddy was holding you whenever you put your hands on his cheeks, turned his head towards you and said, "Dada, I need your attention. I need your attention, Dada." We all laughed, but what amazed me so much was that I don't recall ever saying that to you.

You love all modes of transportation. You know the make and model of many cars and you can even point them out. For example, Honda Pilot, Mini Cooper, [Hyundai] Santa Fe, Honda CRV. You also know construction vehicles and delivery trucks - backhoe, front loader, skid steer, fork lift, UPS truck, FedEx truck, mail truck, semi, 18-wheeler, tractor, trailer, dump truck, excavator, garbage truck, etc.

You still love lawnmowers and weedwackers. Whenever we are at the new house, if you see someone mowing their lawn, you will sit and watch them until they are done. If we are driving, you can spot lawn service trailers coming from any direction. You'll note if they have riding lawnmowers, push mowers or weekwackers. When we go to Lowes, you have to sit on every riding lawnmower and you always talk about where the key goes and how you start it.

You rarely mispronounce any word. There are only two words that I can think of that you don't always pronounce correctly. You can say them correctly whenever we ask you to repeat us, but when you use them in a sentence, they come out wrong. You say, "K puz" rather than "because" but we think you do this on purpose most of the time because you think it's funny. You also have (had) trouble saying fork lift, but I can't think of how you mispronounce it. (It's just the "fork" part. You have no trouble saying fork - as in the utensil you eat with. The trouble comes when you put the two words together.) I just went and asked you what that orange vehicle at the tile store is called, and you pronounced it correctly. Perhaps you now have it down!

There are many more things I want to document, but we need to leave for church. I hope to come back to this later. I love you so much, my sweet Jacker bear. I am so grateful that God chose me for you and you for me. You are my joy and delight, my baby doll Jackson. Now, let's spend the day together!

"Your Heart Is Not Breaking?"

I won't lie. The past few months have been difficult. I feel guilty even saying that things have been difficult when I have a solid roof over my head, good food to eat, a family that is together and very much in love with one another, and no needs left unmet. But the fact remains, being in this transitional state has not been easy. I know that it hasn't been easy on Jackson either. He absorbs our stress, which I feel absolutely terrible about, and I often feel that I'm failing him because I can't seem to be Ms. Perfect even through the challenging times.

I don't really want to be Ms. Perfect. Well, my flesh does, but I know better. I want him to see me on my knees in desperate need of our Savior and calling out to Him for help. I want him to see that our help comes from the Lord and that we can't rely on ourselves for everything...that we can't be perfect.

Lately, naptime has been a battle. Jackson has been fighting his naps - laying down for them - and when I sit back and think, I can hardly blame the poor guy. He hasn't had much of a schedule for the past 6 months. Many times, he naps in the car or misses his nap alltogether because we are busy running errands and taking care of stuff for the house. Oftentimes, I miss his sleepy window, which only makes it harder for him to settle. I have been making a huge effort to be at home during his napping hours so that he can get the rest his little body needs. It isn't always easy or convenient, but I try my hardest because I believe it is so important for his growing body.

This afternoon, I made sure that we were home for his nap. I could tell that he was tired. I thought, "This is great. I've done good today and he should go down without a problem." Wrong! I laid down to snuggle with him. I always give him time to talk to me and settle before I expect him to be still and quiet. When the time came for no more talking, flopping around, or playing with stuffed animals, I told him to be quiet and go to sleep. He continued talking and playing with his teddy bear, so I told him that I was going to leave the room if he didn't stop. After several chances, which I know I probably shouldn't give him because it sends the wrong message, I left the room. He started screaming, "Mama! Sleep with me. Mama! Come back! Mama! I'm ready now! Mama! Don't leave!"

I reminded him that I had warned him of the consequence and that if he had wanted me to stay in there with him, then he would have obeyed. He kept sobbing. Of course, I felt terrible and was battling in my mind. "What do I do? He needs to understand consequences. If I give in, then he'll never learn. But he's 2 and he's unsettled. Do I give him another chance?"

I often get caught in this situation and I never feel confident that I'm doing the right thing - whichever path I choose. I chose to give him a second chance and I very firmly explained that if he spoke another word or played in the bed that I would leave and lock the door. (If I don't lock the door, he just comes out of his room and follows me around the house...screaming. I take him back over and over again, but it just delays the inevitable and he never gives up. Even if I take things away, it doesn't matter. The only thing that appears to work is physical separation from me.)

Well, he babbled something, to which I reminded him that I considered that talking, and then he sat up, looked at himself in the closet mirror doors, and said, "Hello Jackson Christopher." He laid back down, looked over at me, and smiled. I got up very calmly, told him that I was so sorry that he made a poor choice, left the room, and locked the door. He started screaming for me. He laid at the door telling me to come back and to open the door. He assured me that he was ready to obey. My heart was breaking, but I just went to the kitchen and unloaded the dishwasher.

I'm not sure how long he cried at the door. It wasn't very long...just a little longer than it took me to unload the dishwasher. I told him that if he was ready, he would go get in his bed, lay down, and stop screaming. He obeyed, I opened the door, and went in to talk to him. He had both arms outstretched and ready for me to scoop him up. I held him and assured him of how much I loved him. I told him that it breaks my heart to have to lock his door but that I don't know what else to do because he consistently chooses to go his own way and disobey.

He looked up at me, huge tears filled his eyes, and he said, "Your heart if breaking?"

I said, "Well, whenever I had to lock the door and you were crying, my heart was breaking. I don't like to do that, but I don't know how to make you understand that I am serious about you obeying. I told you what I was going to do if you continued talking and you chose to talk anyway."

He looked at me with quivering lips and said, "But, is your heart not breaking?" (As if to say, your heart isn't broken, is it?)

I held him and told him that my heart was okay and that is wasn't broken. He smiled, said, "Okay," sucked his thumb, and then rolled over onto the bed. He is now sleeping peacefully.

I told this story, which proves my weaknesses as a parent, just to show the tenderness of his heart in asking me if my heart was breaking. The things that he says never stop amazing me. I only wish that I had more time to tell of all of them. He is such an incredible little boy and my heart is sick over all that I'm not documenting. I'm so ready to get settled and into some sort of a normal routine. I feel like such a failure. I try to give myself a break when I consider all that we've been through, but then I think, "Times will only get tougher and busier. You better learn how to deal with it now because it doesn't get easier." This is an area where I fail miserably in my walk with the Lord - learning how to lean on Him for strength. I'm hoping that one of these days, I'll get it through my thick head that I can't do it on my own. I seem to "know" that, but I certainly don't live it out. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to learn the hard way. But I'd rather learn the hard way than not at all.