A Lesson Learned

I am now one week past my due date. I have to be very honest and say that up until a couple of days ago, I was not handling being "overdue" very well. I was frustrated, snappy and easily bothered. Can you believe that?! Looking back at myself, I am shocked and ashamed. These emotions/this attitude was coming from someone who believes that due dates are only estimates that give us about a four week window for when a baby will be born, that God decides the perfect date and time that birth will occur, and that babies should come when they are ready and should not be rushed. So what was wrong with me?

I think I had different expectations, and I was having trouble dealing with the fact that they weren't met. (I often have trouble with unmet expectations.) Throughout this entire pregnancy, I have been hoping to be settled before my due date. I have often said, "I just wish that I could have one week with nothing to do except spend quality family time with Jason and Jackson." There has been so much to do - looking for a house to buy, closing on the house, remodeling the house, cleaning the SUPER DIRTY post-remodel home, unpacking boxes, hanging hardware, making hundreds of trips to Lowes, and the list goes on. Last week, I realized that there will always be things to do, that many of these things can wait, and that I just need to get the basics done so that I can relax before adding a second child to our family. For the most part, we have things done. I would say that we are as settled as we need to be for our daughter to be born, which is a huge praise to the Lord. Now, we are just waiting (and doing a few things here and there). Waiting. Waiting.

And then it hit me. There isn't anything that must be done before she is born. I have everything done that needs to be done, which means that I have time to spend quality family time with Jason and Jackson. The very thing that I had hoped for, I have been given! But rather than rejoicing in it, I've been impatient and frustrated with waiting...up until this realization occurred two days ago. I am so ashamed. I have not even seen the graciousness of my Lord because my expectations looked a little different. When I said that I hoped to be settled and to have a week of family time, I envisioned that needing to happen before my due date. As my due date got nearer, I realized that my hopes of relaxing were out the window because there was still too much to do. My due date came, and I expected that I would be having her within a couple of days of it. I forgot all about relaxing and my mind was now on having our daughter. (It also didn't help that at two days past my due date, I got the most painful hemorrhoid caused from pressure and being on my feet all day long for days and days. Yes, I just disclosed to the entire blogging world that I got a hemorrhoid. I know some of you are embarrassed just reading it, but I just see it as a symptom of pregnancy and heredity. I am truly sorry for making you feel uncomfortable.)

When Jackson and I went on a walk two mornings ago, the Lord was good to open my eyes to the gift He was giving me. I was on a stroller ride - something I haven't gotten to do in a long time - with my precious child! We were having fun and spending time together doing something we both love. Oh Lord, forgive me for not recognizing Your blessing! Thank you for softening my heart and opening my eyes to see Your good and perfect gifts.

So, I have decided to rejoice in these last days of pregnancy and to spend them well. Tuesday, Jackson and I bought some flowers to plant in our mailbox planter and in some pots on our porch. He had fun digging and scooping dirt and loads of fun watering everything with his watering pitcher. Yesterday, we went to the science museum of Oklahoma and then came home and made homemade chocolate pudding. If it wasn't raining today, we'd go to the zoo; instead, we're just going to play inside all day long. I'm looking forward to it.

As soon as our baby arrives, we'll post photos. So until you see a post with photos of our daughter, I'm still pregnant and she hasn't come yet:)

EDD: Estimated Date of Delivery

I know. I am the worst blogger on the planet. I haven't posted anything in almost one full month. I have had the best intentions, but I haven't felt right sitting down and blogging when my house is still not totally put together. I should. So many things are happening that I don't want to forget, but I know I will because I haven't written them down. Shame on me! The house will wait (and always be here) but the memories won't. My baby boy is growing and changing every day. I NEED to be capturing these memories. Last weekend, I was burning DVDs off of our video camera so that I'll have plenty of space to record our baby girl's birth. It forced me to look back at these memories and I can't believe the difference in Jackson's language since his 2nd birthday. It's unbelievable!

Speaking of birth videos, Jackson and I have watched his delivery several times in the past two weeks. We would love for him to be present when our daughter is born, so we've been preparing him for what happens when babies are born. He is very aware that his baby sister is in my tummy and that when she's ready, I am going to push her out of my "lady parts". (We use the real words too.) It's so funny to listen to him talk about contractions and going into labor. He knows that we are having our daughter at home, but when I first used the phrase, "go into labor" he thought that I was going to go somewhere and he asked if he could go with me when I went into labor. I explained everything and told him that he could sit right next to me, which made him very happy. We have someone coming over to help take care of him, but he keeps telling me that he doesn't need anyone to play with. He wants to make sure that he gets to stay with us. As long as he is comfortable, we are looking forward to sharing this amazing event with him. He is so excited to help his daddy cut the umbilical cord. He loves to watch that part on his own birth video.

So, today is my due date, and here is a picture of me at 40 weeks:

I prefer to to think of my due date as the estimated date of delivery. I didn't think she'd come early or on time because I've been too mentally unsettled. My to-do list is still really long, but I've decided that all of that stuff can wait. We got the bathroom hardware hung, which was driving me crazy (do you know how annoying it is to not have a towel ring or towel bar?!) and the boxes are out of the guest room, so it's ready for visitors. If labor started right now, that would be great with me. I am ready to meet and hold our baby girl. I can't wait to touch her and look at her. I can't wait to labor with Jason by my side, and I can't wait to share those moments that immediately follow birth with Jason and Jackson. I am ready for Jason to have some time off of work too. That is one thing that I love - sharing the first week together without any other obligations. It's wonderful! Even though we are together in Oklahoma, it feels like it's been a while since we've really been together. Our days are so busy and full of getting things done around the house. We can't wait to have nothing to do but be together with our children. I know there will still be things to do, but having a newborn in the home forces us to say, "Everything else can wait." And we won't even care that it's waiting on us. Everyone keeps telling me that there is always something to do, so I should just relax and have my baby. I think I learned my lesson last night when I was installing the robe hook and accidentally smashed it into my face and my glasses gauged me in two places. I was sobbing uncontrollably and decided that I was insane and needed to let it all go.

Today, I had an appointment with my midwives. We think it will be my last appointment, but who knows. I could see them next Thursday. I love seeing my midwives. They are so wonderful and I have learned so much from them. Jackson loves going with me to the appointments. He likes to help measure my uterus, turn on the blood pressure machine, and find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler.

This is the home of Community Midwifery Services in Norman. I go here for every prenatal appointment:

Let me apologize in advance for the bare belly in the next two pictures. I do not feel comfortable putting my bare belly online, but this is for memory's sake. Jackson is helping Ri measure the fundal height. He normally holds the top of the measuring tape, but he was very distracted by the camera and thought he needed to look at it and smile.

Listening for baby sister's heart tones:

I have to say that I have no complaints about this pregnancy. I feel great and it's hard to believe that I'm already full term. Even though it's hot, I haven't been too bothered by it. Jackson even had me skipping with him this morning (we were outside drinking smoothies and reading a book about skipping:)). As soon as our sweet girl is born, we'll post photos. Maybe I'll even get a few more posts in before her birth. We'll see!