"When I go see Jesus..."

One morning last week, I was in the kids' bathroom bathing Allison. Jackson woke up and came in the bathroom carrying his quilt. This is the quilt that a good friend of ours made for him whenever he was an infant. He had never attached himself to anything until we moved into this house when he was 2.5 years old. The quilt became his "lovey".

Let me back up a little. When we moved back to the States from Germany, we lived in an apartment for six months. We had only the bare necessities while the rest of our stuff was in transit. While we were in Germany, I had a lady in Houston make a t-shirt quilt for Jason. Rather than having it shipped for his birthday in October, I just waited to pick it up once we returned in November. We used that quilt on Jackson's air mattress while we were living in the apartment. A few months after we'd been there, I noticed some of the seams were coming undone. I was a little upset because I had paid a good amount of money for this special quilt. I had planned to take it to her on our next trip to Houston so that she could fix the seams (since I'm completely ignorant of how to sew well).

We moved into our house and had our stuff delivered. This quilt was something that came out of a box and I was eager to give it to Jackson. (He wasn't attached to it or I would have packed it in our suitcases.) We talked about our friend who made it especially for him and that it was something he got whenever he was a baby. (At that time, we were just about ready to have another baby who was getting new things.) For whatever reason, he attached himself to this quilt. (It is bright and has cars and trucks and planes and trains on it.)

Time went by and I noticed that his quilt seams were coming loose. Could it be!?! I had a quilt mutilator on my hands. We soon discovered that he liked to get his fingers underneath the threads. Slowly, they popped, one-by-one, until the seam was undone around the entire quilt. Strings hung loose all around it. My mom once cut the strings and planned to restitch it. Oh boy! That was disappointing because he loves to wrap the strings around his finger while sucking his thumb.

So back to last week in the bathroom...Jackson came in carrying his quilt. While he waited for me to be done, I heard him say, "I want to take my blankie with me." Then he paused, so I asked, "You want to take your blankie with you where?" His answer: "I want to take my blankie with me when I go to see Jesus."

It was so precious and so sad at the same time. I know that he can't take it with him. I didn't want to tell him that he can take it when that isn't true, but I wanted to be careful of how I explained it. To be honest, I wasn't sure of what to say. I did tell him that he cannot take his blankie to heaven, but I assured him that Jesus is everything we will ever need. He will have everything we could ever need and that being with Him in heaven will be greater than anything we can imagine.

A Very Happy Birthday

Jason always makes birthdays so special. I am sure his mom played a big part in that because she makes a big deal out of birthdays. She always goes the extra mile to make the birthday person feel special.

My birthday was last Wednesday and it was a great day. Jackson now understands birthdays, and he was really excited about it. When Jason's alarm went off that morning, Jackson woke up and said, "Daddy. It's Mommy's birthday today!" Jason replied, "I know!" Then Jackson said, "Where are you going?" and Jason answered, "I have to get up and go to work." That was not good news to Jackson. In tears, he protested, "No! You can't go to work today. It's Mommy's birthday and you aren't supposed to work this day." It was so sweet to hear his little heart. And I have to agree with him...days are much more special when Daddy is home with us.

I played with my kids all day long. The sun was brilliant. One of my girlfriends came over in the early afternoon with her girls and then Jackson and I played outside with the neighbors after naps. We love playing outside! Jason came home early. We ate dinner, opened presents, and had cookie cake. It was terrific!

My greatest blessings:

Two nights before my birthday, Jason took the kids to the mall while I was evaluating a childbirth teacher (for my Bradley certification). Jason wanted Jackson to pick out a present for me. What did he choose? Build-A-Bear, of course! The morning of my birthday, he wanted me to have my present. I told him that we'd have to wait until Jason got home from work to open presents. He said, "No. I'll just go get it, open it up, and then put it back in the box." And just to set the record straight, we did not do that. When I got the bear that night, it came with stickers and Jackson put them all over the bear. I'm thinking they're permanent.

One of the greatest friends I will ever have, Natalie, wore the perfume Quelques Fleurs. We were college roommates and I remember everything she touched smelled like it. Whenever I drove her car, the seat belt smelled like Quelques Fleurs. Her clothes, purse strap, backpack, towel wrap all smelled like that perfume...and she wore it so well. If I ever smelled that perfume, it reminded me of her. Years later, Jason bought me some (after many other bottles of perfume) and it is the only thing I ever wear. It's a little harder to find now, but he makes sure my bottle never gets empty. Natalie's mom wore one kind of perfume when her girls were little. Whenever her girls smell that scent, it reminds them of their mom. I want that to be true of my little ones whenever they are older, and I hope they find as much comfort in the scent of Quelques Fleurs as Natalie does when she smells Estee Lauder's Private Collection. (Natalie, you impact my life in so many ways!!)

I mentioned in a post last month that I loved the movie Julie & Julia. I don't have a lot of experience with French cooking. Jason decided to take care of that with the two volume set of Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I can't wait to make some of the recipes!

The quality of this photo is so poor, but you know how impossible it is to get shots of the entire family.

The cake:

Jason, Jackson and Allison, thank you for the best birthday!! Being with you is the greatest gift of all.

Thank you, Dad and Mom

Dad and Mom,
I just wanted to let you know that my birthday cards arrived. Your words to me were more than I deserve. My heart was full and my eyes were overflowing with tears. I thank the Lord for parents like you and hope that our adulthood blesses you as much as our toddlerhood. So often, I think of having to let mine go someday and how sad it must be for you to look back and miss the days when we were running around the house yelling and screaming and playing.
I also wanted you to know that I took the magnet off of the card and put it on the refrigerator for Jackson and Allison, as you requested. I thought you'd like to know that it came at the most opportune time. You see, your grandson put the meat tenderizer (thank you, Meredith, for that gift) to the fridge this morning and put a nice dent in it. I was very excited about it, as I am sure you can imagine. You know how I love it when things get messed up. You will be pleased to know that I did not get upset with him; rather, I used it as a teaching opportunity. The dent remains, on the fridge and regrettably in my heart, but the magnet covers it up very well. It was a learning opportunity for us both! I love you both, my blessed parents!

Love, Mother

My mom sent me this e-card today. The tears were streaming. Mom, I love you! Thank you for being my mom. I was just thinking the other day, that I am the mom that I am because of you. God gave me to you and selected you as my mom. He knew that you were the best mother for me and that you would shape me in a way that would make me the best mother for my two children. It's taken me a while to realize that I am God's best for Jackson and Allison - mistakes and all - but it's slowly taking root in my heart and mind. I love you!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET DAUGHTER

It was 32 years ago today that you came into my life. There are no words to describe the joy that filled my heart when I heard you cry for the first time. I was laughing and crying at the same time. Your dad was beaming , but you were not liking it too much. But once you were cleaned up and back in my arms, you just looked up at me and knew that you were so loved. Right from the start you wanted to know everything that was going on and that has followed you through life. That zest for knowledge and wanting to fix things that were wrong has given you a tender heart for others. You have been a joy to my heart and I wish I could go back in time and relive every wonderful minute.

May God's grace follow you always and I know without a doubt, your children will be so blessed having you as their mother. I so treasure you and it is been my greatest blessing to be your mother.

Love you always,
Mother

(P.S. I just have to mention that my mom has forever signed our cards with, "Mother." We have never in our lives called her Mother and we all laugh about it every time we get a card from her. Mom, thanks for keeping it alive!)

The Game of Life

Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? The game of Life? I LOVED to play that game. What little girl doesn't like to "play life" and fill her car full of babies. Twins! I always wanted to have twins. I have fond memories of playing that game with my two sisters. And now we are filling our cars with babies and I can't imagine two girls I'd rather share life with.

Jackson has a few board games. This morning, while Jason was at the men's retreat at our church, Jackson and I got the games out. I never let him play Life because it's way too old for him. He always insists on playing it because there are cars. Today, I obliged. We didn't really play. We just filled cars with people. It was so funny to hear him tell me which people were going into which car, who was driving, and who was sitting elsewhere. Dawson, my nephew, was in every car but one! My boy loves his cousin Dawson.

I had told him that I couldn't play Life until Allison was asleep because watching her and explaining the game was too much for my brain to handle. Filling cars I could handle while she was awake, but not playing the game. While I was nursing Allison, Jackson came into my bedroom several times asking if she was asleep. When the answer was finally yes, he was beside himself with excitement. He got all of the game pieces and put them on his bed. He was ready to go.

Jason got home while we were in the middle of setting up the game. We got our cars in position and I told him that he either had to go to college or start his job (career). He opted to start his job. I asked him what kind of job he wanted. His answer?

"I want to have a job just like Daddy's job."

And I'm so blessed to have a man worthy of that kind of admiration.

Jason, when I married you, I had no idea that I was getting such an amazing father to my children. Thank you for loving them with abundant and patient love.

Budding Make-up Artist

Whenever I put my make-up on, Jackson is always asking if he can help me. For some reason, this usually occurs on a Sunday morning, so I usually reply with, "One day when we don't have to go anywhere, I'll let you put my make-up on me."

Today, we didn't have to go anywhere. And after having loads of fun with my face, he wanted to give his face a try. And we (I mean, he) wanted to take a lot of photos.

How Do You Hang Your Underwear?

Yesterday, I shared about Jackson's new organization habits in his bedroom. I forgot to mention another one, his closet:

Hanging underwear? That's a first for me!

My Ever-Changing Children

I love being mom to Jackson and Allison. They fill my days with so much joy (and yes, at times, with so much drama) and I can't believe God entrusted them to me.

Last week, Jackson started something new. It isn't something we taught him to do. We model it, perhaps, but we've never taught him to do it or made him do it.

He's organizing his toy shelves. I caught him taking off all of the toys and then putting them back on the way he wanted them to be. He explained everything he was doing and why he chose to put things where he put them. He did it again on Monday with Jason. Some things stayed in the same place, but many things were put in a new place for a specific reason. It's so neat to watch his brain work! (Notice each remote control sitting in front of the car it controls?!)

Last week Allison started a doing a few new things too. We tried food for the first time. (I'm never in a hurry to start food, but the signs seemed to be there: sitting up on her own, two teeth (indicating that her intestines are ready for digesting solids), grasping, and a huge interest in everything we eat.) I gave her bananas. The first couple of bites went okay. She didn't act like she didn't like it but she didn't swallow either. I kept watching her tongue to see how she handled something in her mouth. She didn't seem to know what to do with it. We quit whenever she gagged and threw up. I tried banana again the next two days, but she didn't seem to want it. Tonight, I gave her avocado. After a few tries, I don't think she's ready for food. I may try some homemade rice cereal next week or a sweet potato. Jackson didn't care about food until he was 9-10 months old. Alli seems perfectly content with breastmilk. I think I'll wait to complicate things with food :)!

My goal with food at her age is to experiment with different tastes and textures and to get comfortable with a spoon.

Since we've got two teeth, we're now brushing! Jackson was so precious whenever we went to pick out her first toothbrush. He was so excited to get her a pink one. When we got home that night, last Wednesday, he told me that he wanted to use her toothbrush because it was pink. When I told him that he couldn't use hers because they shouldn't mix the bacteria from their mouths, he said that he would just use hers tonight and that we could go buy her another one tomorrow. I laughed and told him no. He then suggested that we go to Walmart and buy him a pink toothbrush right now. Again, I told him no. Poor guy. Every plan got rejected. I did tell him that we could buy him a pink toothbrush the next time we're at the store. This is my guy who loves to brush his teeth. He currently has five toothbrushes (none of them are pink) and likes to mix every kind of toothpaste in our home whenever he brushes his teeth.

Allison also mastered her forward lunging skills last week. Whenever she sees something in front of her, she plants her hands in front, does the forward-backward bounce to get momentum, puts one hand in front of the other, and then finally gets onto all fours to grab the object of her affection. She usually ends up flat on her belly rather than up on her hands and knees. It so funny and exciting to watch. Now, she does it all the time. Once she starts crawling, it's going to be a mad house around here!

"Oh, dolly! I love her! I want her! I want to pull her pigtails (with my teeth)!"

"Her foot is a great thing to bite too. I'm almost there."

"I'm here. Now, how do I grab her without falling on my belly?"

Jason found this sweet book for the kids for Valentine's Day. Allison is fascinated with books. She sits and reads with me and Jackson every day. It's so fun because she'll watch me as I read and sometimes even laugh (if I'm doing fun voices). We now have to give her her own book so that she'll leave the one we're reading alone!

Gettin' Ready for Valentine's Day

I love baking...especially for holidays. We weren't home most of December, so we missed the opportunity to do some Christmas baking. As Valentine's Day has come closer, I thought we'd make some fun treats each day of the weekend. Our Friday night fun? Cupcakes! With lots and lots of sprinkles!

Jackson, Allison and I made a trip to three different stores searching for Valentine sprinkles. Walmart Market? Strike. Target? Strike. Walmart Supercenter? Check! And the Supercenter came through big time. They had TONS of sprinkles. It took a while for Jackson to choose which sprinkles to buy.

I searched my recipe books for a good cupcake recipe. There were several to choose from, but I could not get rid of this nagging feeling of finding a "healthier" version. I'm not against sweets...obviously, if I'm buying sprinkles. We eat plenty of sweets around here. I just prefer the sweets to have ingredients that are more "whole" or unrefined. I'd rather use honey or sucanat instead of refined white sugar or freshly milled whole wheat flour over white flour. This is especially true if we're making something that's going to be around the house for a while.

I found this website, The Family Homestead, about two years ago when I started making my own bread. I have used some of her recipes and liked them, so I went there for a cake recipe. Here's what we tried: Honey Applesauce Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting. It was DELICIOUS! The cake was super moist and the icing, which had nothing healthy about it, was your basic cream cheese icing yumminess. I highly recommend the cake. The next time I make it, I'm going to try using 1/4 cup less honey, omitting the cinnamon, and adding vanilla. I think it will give it a great flavor.

He's very methodical in his approach to decorating:

This week, Allison figured out how to go from sitting to getting onto all fours. It's so funny to watch her lunge forward.

Check out the toppings on his cupcake. And he was so excited about those plates.

Poor girl. Why can't she have them too!

After we each had our own cupcake, Jackson decorated the rest, and then we put them away. They wouldn't all fit in the cake keeper (I can't think of what you call those things right now):

so Jackson picked out his favorite four and put them in this container, which he loves, out of all other containers, to put stuff in:

It's Just Hair

I was devastated...but just for the first six hours. Although I felt ridiculous, there was nothing I could do. It's a good thing I waited a few days to write this post; otherwise, my emotions would have been all over the place. I guess it's just one of those rites of passage that you go through as a mom.

Last Friday, Jackson and I went to a salon to get our hairs cut. We've been to this same salon several times and the same girl always cuts our hair. She's cut Jackson's hair 3 or 4 times. She knows what we like...or so I thought. I got my hair cut first because Jackson had just woken from his nap before we left and wanted to eat a snack. After she finished cutting my hair, she asked me if her assistant could dry my hair while she cut Jackson's hair. Of course that was fine with me. After all, she's cut his hair before and she knows what I like.

(I'm sure you now know where this is going.) We went over what I wanted: his hair is very long and needs trimming, keep it just above the brow, we like it long. She even started the conversation over what we wanted to do with his hair by saying, "I know you guys like it long." So what happened?! Her assistant dried my hair while she cut Jackson's hair. I was talking away to the woman tending to my hair, bouncing Alli on my lap, and not really paying attention to Jackson. (And it wasn't like I could turn my head and look anyway.) When she was done with Jackson's hair, my gal turned off the hairdryer, I turned and looked, and it wasn't too bad. It was definitely shorter than what I would have wanted, but it was still long on the top and sides. (I didn't see the back.) The only problem was that she'd cut it so much that he had these wing-type things on the sides of his head. His hair was just popping out right at the ear and everything else was more contoured to his head. I asked if there was something we could/should do about that. She said that it would probably be best to trim it a bit. Let me repeat, "A bit." I agreed and went back to getting my hair dried.

I will never forget the feeling I felt when I looked at Jackson the very next time. My hair was dry and they were removing my apron/wrap/cape/whatever you call it. Jackson and our stylist came around the corner after they'd been gone searching for lollipops. She said, "What do you think?" I'm sure my face said it all. I was in shock, in disbelief. His hair was short and gelled and totally different. He didn't even look like my Jackson. There was no blonde hair left. "What do you think?" And what was I going to do? Say that I didn't like it right in front of my precious child? Heavens no! It wasn't that I thought he looked bad. It was just a huge shock. I wasn't expecting it. She had to have cut 4 inches off his hair...no kidding. I was so upset. I had to fight back tears and I could already hear Jason saying, "Why did you let them cut it so short?"

Now, let me be very clear. I did not think he looked bad. I was not upset because I thought he looked ugly. Not at all. I'm not that horrible (although I am horrible)! I was just completely shocked. I wasn't ready for it. He looked so old!!! And Jason would never be mad at me over something as trivial as hair, but I knew that he would have preferred it to not have been cut so short.

At the salon, I had to hold myself together. She kept asking me repeatedly if I liked it. I told her that I did like it but, "Honestly, it's much shorter than what I wanted." I didn't want to say anything negative in front of Jackson.

When we got into the car, and Jackson could no longer see my face, I cried and cried. Not out loud of course...but with my face and heart and mind. What had she done with my baby? She'd made a boy out of his hair!

I called Jason because I wanted him to have warning so that he wouldn't be surprised. We had to talk in code - referring to myself as "maternal" and Jackson as "offspring". Jason had his hair cut at the same time we had ours cut, so it worked out well. We talked about how Jackson had a haircut like Daddy's and how cool it was. We didn't make a big deal about it.

That night, after his bath, as I was drying his hair, I asked him, "Do you like your new haircut?" He said, "I like it with more hair." My heart sank. I told him, "Really? Well, it'll grow back super fast." He said, "Let's take some of your hair and put it on mine."

Now, you're probably thinking that he sensed I didn't like it. That's not true. When writing things down on a blog, it's hard to capture the whole picture without being so wordy - something I already struggle with. I've poured my emotions on here, but I didn't pour them out that night in front of my child. I did talk to my mom about it. I knew that she'd know how I felt. I once cut my hair off and had to have a "boy" cut. I also cut off Meredith's long hair two weeks before we were flower girls in our cousins wedding. They had to perm it, and in some spots they had to use a Q-tip to curl the hair!

Now that it's been almost one week since the cut, I realize how silly all of this sounds. It took me about 24 hours to get used to his hair. My mom told me that would happen. But at the moment...oh boy, it was a shockeroo!

I want to compliment my husband on one of his best qualities. He never makes me feel bad about any mistake I ever make. He never gets upset with me for being overly emotional about things that I shouldn't be overly emotional about. He's patient, loving, so tender and very forgiving...very forgiving. We all need someone like him!

I'll post before and after pictures. Perhaps you'll understand the shock I experienced.

I took this the next morning while they were playing in bed.

Alli's First Baby Signs

Communication with a baby is so exciting. I remember when Allison and Jackson were first born. Whenever they cried, I didn't know what they wanted. I played the guessing game. Hungry? Dirty? Tired? Hot? Cold? Gasey? Needy? But as time went on and we got to know each other better, I was able to understand their different cries and meet their needs more quickly. It was an exciting time because I felt like I was really getting to know them as individual little people.

When Jackson turned one, I started teaching him baby sign language. I read and heard from other people how beneficial it was, but I never thought we'd be successful at it. Quite the contrary! Jackson picked it up rather quickly (once I became consistent with it) and in no time at all he was signing all the time.

When Allison was born, I told myself that I'd be more proactive and start signing at an earlier age. About three weeks ago, I began signing to her. I picked out signs that I thought would be the most meaningful to her and her needs: change (as in "change" your diaper) because she detests having a dirty diaper, nurse (although I use the sign for milk), sleep, all done, doll, momma, and dadda. About two weeks ago, I could tell that she was beginning to understand what I was signing because she would get so happy/be comforted whenever I would sign things that she wanted.

On Saturday, I think she signed her first sign. She was sitting on the floor playing while I was studying. She was fussing on and off. I looked over at her and started talking to her. She smiled with her arm outreached and made a motion with her hand. I didn't have baby signing on the brain so I didn't even pay attention. I kept talking and she kept looking at me with her big eyes so full of expression. I asked her what she wanted and she stuck her hand out again and made a motion with her fingers. I asked her (with words and signs), "Do you want to nurse!" As soon as I said that, she got a big smile on her face and started breathing excitedly like babies do. I was so excited!

Later that day and the next, I doubted whether or not she was really signing. I hadn't seen her use the sign again, so I thought that maybe it was just a new motion she was making with her hand and she was fascinated with the discovery.

This morning, she was playing on the floor in Jackson's room. She started to get fussy. I walked out to get a tissue for Jackson's nose, which really made her cry. As soon as I returned, I looked at her and she looked up at me, stopped crying, and put both of her hands together and moved them around each other while still together. I said, "Change! Do you want Momma to change your diaper?!" She smiled so big and did a little scoot of excitement on the floor. I picked her up and sure enough, she was poopy. Amazing!

Later today, she was napping in her swing. (She has an ear infection in both ears so I'm sleeping her propped up). I heard her wake up and went to get her. When she saw me, she was so happy. I love this about her. The minute she sees me after waking up, she smiles so huge, her eyes dance with joy, and her breathing pattern changes to pure excitement. As I was getting her out of the swing, she was making a waving-type motion with her hand. The same one she had done on Saturday. I signed and said, "Do you want to nurse?" She got super excited. I got on the bed and fed her. Once she was done with that side, she made the sign again. I switched sides. Then, I sat her up, she looked at me, put both hands together and rubbed them around one another. Again, the sign for change! (Well, as close to it as a baby can get.) I couldn't believe it. I sat there in amazement. My 6-month old was having a conversation with me. It was so cool!! I love this girl!

Happy 6 Months!

I can't believe my sweet girl is 6 months old today. I never got around to posting her birth announcement so I feel today is a great day to do that. Allison, you are my sweet and happy blessing. You are my darling girl. Mommy loves you more than you can understand (until you cuddle one of your own).